Elizabeth Weintraub • Sacramento Short Sale Agent • Land Park

On my way to an appointment yesterday, a Lyon real estate agent called. She said she and her clients just got out of her car in front of my listing in Carmichael. Before she could say anything else, I said, "Here's what you do: open the doors, get back in the car and drive away. Don't look back. Just go."

This home has been in active short contingent status for 76 days. We have a half dozen offers with a few as a back-up offer, within the first week on the market. Hardly a day goes by that I don't get an inquiry on this short sale. I can understand buyers calling because not every real estate website posts the actual status of homes for sale, which can be very frustrating for buyers who are looking online, and most of them are. Zillow doesn't do it. Trulia doesn't do it. But agents have access to actual MLS data, so they should know better.

But I know what happens. They're out showing homes and a buyer spots a sign, pulls up the home on her cellphone and sees the photos. Falls in love. Then, demands to know why did her agent keep this killer home a secret from her? Why can't she buy that house?

The agent, feeling a bit irritated, calls the listing agent, just to prove a point to the buyer. She calls the listing agent because it's easier and faster sometimes to just pick up the phone than to try to navigate a website, believe it or not. I know that might sound odd and old school to some people. But sometimes it is the fastest way from A to B. The good old cellphone technology does still work.

If the home is not on the buyer's tour, it's not for sale. 99.9% of the time. Yet, buyers are worried they will miss a new listing. Or, that their agent overlooked a listing. Or, they hope maybe a short sale is about to cancel and they could grab it and slip right in. There is not much on the market right now. I understand those concerns. Most agents do. It's a tough market and only the tough agents are making it.

I talked with a potential seller yesterday about a new listing that is not a short sale, another oddity. He lives out of state. After I gave him the report and my ideas for selling, he told me he had 2 more agents to talk with. Oh, who? See, I ask. Because I want my sellers to make an intelligent decision. While I would never say anything bad about another agent, sellers deserve all the information they can get. And I gave the seller the stats from MLS on the other two agents. One of those agents works in Vacaville. A fact that was not made readily apparent to the seller.

It's kinda hard to sell a home in Midtown Sacramento when the agent doesn't live here. You think?

But then on my way to my home office, I spotted the email come across my cell that I had been waiting for yesterday. It was the short sale approval letter for that listing in Carmichael. Fist pump. See, if I tell you to get back in your car and drive away, you can believe me.

One of the incredible things about being a real estate agent is the fact I get to meet such a huge variety of super cool people. People I would never meet otherwise because I never go anywhere and I have no friends. Not that I really like people, either. For the most part, I don't like people. Not the "general public" people.

Now, before you start griping and saying there is no such thing as general public, there is only public, let me tell you that you would be correct. But you know what I mean, right? The people at the grocery store who ram their carts into the backs of your ankles and steal your parking space before you get to it. The people at sporting events who splash beer on you and won't stand up when you try to squeeze by. The people at rock concerts who do stand up the whole time and block your view. Those clods.

But clients are generally special. Unique. Each has a different story. I learn something new from all of them.

I toured a home in Elk Grove yesterday for a pre-listing appointment that is, believe it or not, NOT a Sacramento short sale. These sellers had paid cash, more than $600,000 for this home. As I turned the corner from Bilby, I was wondering to myself what would constitute a $600,000 home in that neighborhood because I've sold others in that Elk Grove neighborhood recently that did not cost anywhere near that initial amount.

I was blown away by this house. It was evident a lot of thought had gone into the upgrades, and each was carefully selected. It's one of those homes that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt once it hits the market buyers will be fighting over it. It's that beautiful. But so are the sellers' dollhouses. This seller creates dollhouses that are real life replicas, which I suppose is the definition of dollhouse. Miniature gold-plated dinnerware, crystal buckets, crystal chandeliers, custom hand-sewn drapery. It was a jaw-dropping experience, and I admire such talent.

I toured another pre-listing home in Fair Oaks, which will go on the market next month. This home, too, is not a short sale. The seller owns this home free and clear, and she is retiring out of state. The seller is in her 80s, and I have special place in my heart for elderly people. I don't know very many older people. All of the older people in my family are dead. Her smoke detector was beeping when I walked in.

When I asked about it, she said her neighbor would come over some day and fix it for her. No, this is nuts. You can't live with a constant beeping sound going on. Yeah, she said, she could and she got used to it. Is this what I have look forward to in my later years, I wondered? Beeping going on all around me and I can't stop the sound? I have to rely on the kindness of strangers, those clods at the grocery store?

OK, so agents aren't supposed to do anything like this, but I don't care. I hauled the ladder out of the garage. Who cares that I'm wearing a dress and 4-inch heels. Up the ladder I go, like a fool. Remove the smoke detector, replace the battery and put it back.

I also got to see the seller's Help-I've-Fallen-and-I Can't-Get-Up device. She showed it to me. The butt of 3rd-grader jokes. Oh, you might think you will never need one of those but you're probably wrong. This seller did indeed fall one day in her garage. She could not get up. She pressed the button and help arrived. She thought it was pretty funny when I suggested that it would be easier to have a chip implanted in your arm, except how would you activate it? You can wear one of those devices in the shower, too. You never take it off, the seller said.

I felt like I should have hugged her when I left, but I didn't want to be accused of being one of those huggy-touchy-feelie people or overstep my boundaries. I'm just a Sacramento real estate agent who gets to meet really interesting people. I'll get the job done right for both of these sellers. And get them top dollar, too. Because that's my job. I am so lucky to be in real estate. You who are not in the business have no idea how much fun it is.

A seller asked me yesterday if I am possibly too busy to work with him.  It wasn't a short sale, just a regular listing in Fair Oaks. Remember those? I've been listing and selling a fair number of homes in Fair Oaks lately. I sell all over Sacramento but really love Fair Oaks. In fact, I have several Fair Oaks listings in escrow right now.

This seller was calling around the Internet, looking for a real estate agent in Sacramento. I told him I've been in real estate in one form or another since the early 1970s, and I've survived all types of markets. I mentioned that I rank #10 as a Lyon Real Estate top producer for last year -- adding that I'm also a very successful Sacramento short sale agent and presently manage 28 listings in inventory.

"Whoa, 28 listings, that's a lot," he said. "Would you have time for me?"

I wanted to point out that some agents easily handle more than 200 listings a year, but I figured the thought of that would probably boggle his mind. Last year, I listed more than 100 and had no problem with that number. I have systems in place and am organized. There are also agents who don't take a listing more than once every 2 or 3 months. So, which kind of agent is better? The agent with a lot of business or the agent with none?

The agent who is better is the one who answers her phone.

Like Christopher Guest's Waiting for Guffman, I find humor in some situations that others don't find amusing at all. One of my favorites is when sellers feel offended because they are asked to make a decision to sell within a specified time period. Some sellers think that when they receive a purchase offer, they should be able to table it, to wait a few weeks or so before responding.

Knowing that home sellers can be like this, when I write an offer for a Sacramento home buyer, I generally (not always, but generally) give the sellers ample time to respond. I don't want them to feel pressured or rushed. Back in the old days, like in the 1970s, I used to write my purchase offers to expire "upon presentation." But sellers are more finicky today, for some reason.

Imagine how a guy feels when he asks his girlfriend to marry him and she says, "Let me think about it." If I were a guy, I'd be crushed. Of course, if I were a guy, I wouldn't ask my girlfriend to marry me unless I knew she would agree. The secret to winning a bet is to make sure you're right in the first place.

Like the time I was lying on the beach with one of my ex-husbands and a plane flew overhead. I said, "Hey, there goes a 737." He disagreed. He said it was 747. We argued -- see, there's a reason he is one of my ex-husbands. Finally, we made a bet. If he was wrong, he had to bathe my cat. That was my terms, and I don't remember his because I won the bet.

But it's kind of silly to wait forever before responding to an offer. If you don't like the terms of the offer, then make a counter offer. Do something. Don't just sit on it. An offer is not just a piece of paper. It represents buyers who are in agony.

You would think that since my days are so consumed by real estate that I would dream about real estate at night. But I rarely do. Oh, there is probably subliminal crap in my dreams, stuff from my subconscious that I'm not even aware of slipping into my dreamland adventures, but I can usually figure it out. For example, last night I was in Central Park in the fall with my husband and James Taylor. New York City was the backdrop because I had watched a couple of 30 Rock episodes before I went to bed.

But what was James Taylor doing in there? I can see the time of year being fall because I'm looking forward to an autumn trip to Yellowstone National Park. But JT? It's not like I've been listening to Fire and Rain lately. That's gonna bug me today.

What's not gonna bug me is to tell you about my new listing in Larchmount Riviera. This is a quiet neighborhood north of Folsom Boulevard and West of Bradshaw, with mostly ranch-style homes, many of which were built in the 1970s.

You know, I think I once sneaked into a concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre in the 1970s to see James Taylor perform with Emmylou Harris. Yeah, I did. I had been driving through the Rocky mountains with some friends that afternoon and stopped at Red Rocks to use the facilities. Once inside, I heard who was playing that night and decided to sit there for 6 hours. Aha.

This home is very much reflective of 1973, the year it was built. It's like walking back in time. The sellers of this corner-lot home are into the color orange as evidenced by the decor. If you'd like to make an offer to buy some of the furniture, the sellers would consider it.

It has 4 bedrooms and 2 baths, and is almost 1,800 square feet. The living room and dining room area ceilings are vaulted, and there is a brick fireplace in the living room.

The kitchen has a vinyl tile floor, laminate counters, a newer garbage disposal, water purifier, free-standing gas range and a refrigerator. Sliding glass doors lead to the sunroom addition, which seems to have been part of the back yard patio at some point. A long hall leads to the bedrooms and a door to the attached garage. Laundry is inside the two-car garage, and the washer and dryer stay.

I can't show you photos of all the bedrooms because the sellers are in the process of packing, and those rooms are filled with boxes. This is not a short sale nor an REO. It's just priced like one.

9675 Appalachian Drive, Sacramento, CA 95827 is offered exclusively by Lyon Real Estate at $185,000. For more information or a private showing, please call your Sacramento real estate agent, Elizabeth Weintraub, at 916 233 6759.

Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub