Funerals make you hungry. Either that, or they make you cry. Last Saturday, I attended a funeral with my husband in downtown Sacramento. After the service, we went to Jim-Denny's Hamburgers Chili for lunch. This is a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that has been a 76-year tradition in Sacramento. We've been meaning to go there for years and, in fact, did stop by a few years ago but it was too crowded, so we left.
Now, if you go to a Catholic funeral, they generally feed you. But the funeral we went to was Lutheran. I actually have very little experience with funerals. I realized that fact when I reached my mid-30s. I don't know how a person can be on this planet for 30-some years without going to a funeral, but I had managed it.
As a result, I reached out to my girlfriend who had more experience than me. I asked her to guide me through funeral etiquette. Clearly, somebody I knew would die soon, and I didn't want to be caught off-guard. I thought it would be easier to attend a funeral for a person I did not know, so I picked a death notice out of the newspaper, circled the date of the funeral on my calendar and considered that my practice funeral.
Here are some of the things that I learned:
- A death notice is generally an invitation in disguise to go to a funeral
- You don't have to wear black.
- Stuff some tissues in your pocket.
- If you don't know the family, don't sit with them.
- It's OK to cry.
- It's OK to sing, but not all by yourself.
I was pretty sure it's not a good idea to leave your cellphone on, so when we walked into St. John's Lutheran Church on Saturday, I turned my phone to "silent." The cantor had a beautiful voice, and I was mesmerized. But not so much that I didn't feel my cellphone vibrate. No, no, no, don't touch it. Bzzt. Bzzt. But I couldn't help myself. I looked around. We were sitting in an end pew. People would probably think I was praying with my head bowed. I did the unthinkable. I slowly slipped my cellphone out of my pocket and glanced at my email. Now, I'm probably going to hell for that.
But soon the guilt was overturned by the sense of hunger. Which is what led us to Jim-Denny's Hamburgers Chili. Going there just seemed appropriate for some reason. This little restaurant is located on 12th Street between H and I Street. Here is a photo of the interior. It's the size of a cable car and dates back to 1934. The signs on the wall advertise fancy ham, fancy hamburgers, back when anything better than ordinary was called fancy.
A handwritten sign next to the old wall phone warned customers that if they sit next to the phone and it rings, they must answer it and take an order. I was glad my husband had that seat. We arrived at 11:45, 15 minutes before lunch. Everybody at the counter, which is the only place to eat, were busy stuffing gigantic omelets into their mouths. The servings were humongous, along the lines of what you get at the Market Club in Land Park.
I ordered the 5-cent hamburger with raw onions, lettuce, tomatoes and no pickles. You can see it in the photo above. Well, you won't see the onions because the waiter forgot to give them to me. He also put mustard on the bottom bun but the top bun was dry. My husband got the Superburger with bacon and requested no cheese. They gave him a burger with cheese.
The french fries were pretty good, though. Sliced very thin and crispy without being too crunchy. The fries reminded me of those served at the drugstore where I used to go after school in the 1960s. In fact, the hamburger brought back those memories, too. Pretty tasty food for a 12-year-old. But now that I'm an old goat, my taste buds have matured. I prefer thicker hamburgers, like the Waterboy Deluxe Burger, made from ground chuck. Perhaps I should have ordered the megaburger?
By the time we slid out of our seats, $20 poorer and a bit fatter than when we walked in the door, there were so many people standing behind us that I couldn't reach my bag on the floor. I grabbed the handle and tugged it between the stools, almost knocking some guy in the face. That's when I realized my cellphone was still turned to "silent." Ah, the sweet bliss of no phone calls about my Sacramento short sales for two solid hours. It was back to business. If we go back to Jim-Denny's, though, I will definitely order the megaburger.
I should also mention that the funeral was for a real estate agent who worked at my midtown office of Lyon Real Estate. I suspect he forgave me for looking at my cellphone. He was the type who would understand. He was a good egg and will be missed. You know, we just don't have enough good eggs in this world.
Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub
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Certified HAFA Specialist
My Sacramento Real Estate Listings
Elizabeth Weintraub is an author, home buying columnist for The New York Times-owned About.com, a Land Park resident, and a Land Park real estate agent who specializes in older, classic homes in Land Park, Curtis Park, Midtown and East Sacramento. Weintraub is also a Sacramento Short Sale agent who lists and successfully sells short sales throughout the four-county Sacramento area. Call Elizabeth Weintraub at 916.233.6759. Put 35 years of real estate experience to work for you. Broker-Associate at Lyon Real Estate. DRE License # 00697006.
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The views expressed herein are Weintraub's personal views and do not reflect the views of Lyon Real Estate.
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Good looking handful of food there. Had way way too little breakfast. The funerals I have been to locally have all the church ladies out doing each other with award winning, blue ribbon this and that. And the celebration of life rather than a carrying on is the theme...the way the deceased would want it.
I really don't like funerals - have had too many in the past two years, 6 just in our family alone. You are right, a nice meal afterwards rejuvenates you or at least gets your mind off of the sadness for a bit.
I think your deceased agent friend will completely understand about looking at the phone and you don't sound the type that would have hell in their future! Cute post.
Stephanie: I'm sorry about your family. I missed most of the funerals in my family, as I don't have any parents, grandparents left, so I do try to go to all of my friend's funerals. I know it's kind of out there in left field, but I find funerals fascinating -- how people deal with grief and in turn celebrate a person's life. Probably the best funeral I've ever been to has been a Sikh funeral.
Hi Elizabeth... if the Superburger comes with bacon, that would be my choice! Evertything is better with bacon!
You are my kinda gal. Funerals and food. Even the guy was a good egg! Sorry if you'll miss him. Even if he was Lutheran, he might have forgiven you.
Funeral for a real estate agent? I suspect that a cell phone would be mandatory! Maybe he missed an email during the hymns!
Lucky you that you haven't been to many funerals. I just went to one for a friend/clients 23 year old son who was killed in a car crash before Christmas. That was not fun. And although it was Catholic and there was going to be food afterwards, my husband and I had no stomach for eating.
However, those burgers and that restaurant look like my kind of place! Great reveiw, and nice blog.
Elizabeth: I can't believe you went to a practice funeral! You crack me up. I think that, having been the product of older parents, I learned funeral etiquette very early on as my grandparents and my parents' aunts and uncles died.
Sorry about your co-worker. I know he would chuckle if he read your post.
Sounds like they are into production not accuracy. Hope you enjoyed the meal.
So which was the practice funeral? The one before your co-worker or that one? I cannot imagine going to a funeral to practice going to them. I have been to good ones and not so good ones. The best one was that of an alcoholic. It turned into an AA meeting with the microphone being passed around the room and lots of testimonials. No one who has a funeral lived a bad life.
I think this is the best bit of dark humor I've read in awhile! I love the rules:
Hmmm... you mean everyone doesn't go home with the family and eat after the funeral every where? That just happens here in the south? Hmmmmm. I can safely say that I bet I had attended 50 funerals by the time I was in my mid 30's. Of course at one count my dad had 51 first cousins... so I come from a large family.
I too like funerals... ones that celebrate the life of the person, not big fat cry fests.